Chapter 1: A Typical Day At The Office

I picked a hell of a day to quit smoking alcohol -- today was my first day at work, and I'd never been more nervous in my life.

I mean, here I was all alone with the keys to the place, the boss on vacation for the next week, a couple of salesmen out on vacation, myself, and an office that's bigger than most houses. And this is my job? Hell, I should have been a janitor or something -- at least then I'd know what to do with all that space.

But no, they gave me the top floor of the building to work in, complete with air-conditioning and the view overlooking the city. And here I was sitting on my ass when I could be out there earning money. If I didn't make sales fast enough, it would show in my paycheck right away. Not that I really cared about money or anything, but you know how it is -- people will see it as a weakness if you don't care, and they'll think the same of you anyway.

So here I was with my cell phone, and nowhere to go. All I could do was wait for the boss to get back from his vacation, then I'd just be getting started. So I did what any self-respecting salesman would do in this situation: I called a friend of mine who had just gotten off work and asked him if he wanted to go out on the town with me for a couple drinks.
He agreed, so we headed over to the bar. It was a pretty crowded place, but not too packed that you couldn't get a seat at the counter, which is what I did. Then I ordered a scotch and soda (what else are you supposed to order in a place like this?), sat back, took out my cell phone, then dialed the office number and made an excuse for myself.
"Hey boss," I said, "my car broke down so I'm stuck here till you get back from vacation. But don't worry -- I can call up a guy who works with me at work to help take some orders."
Then I hung up and got a big smile on my face. The boss would never know what hit him!
But then I sat there, sipping my drink, and staring at the phone in disbelief. Why was it so quiet?
Well, of course -- he'd answered his own cell phone!
And guess what: He just got back from vacation, and I'm not getting started for a couple days anyway, because my car DID break down! Damn!
\end{blockquote}

Comment: I can't believe I missed that one. But I can still take credit for the "Boss" line. ;)

Answer: \section{Burn Notice - Suicide Watch}

I was in a meeting with my boss and a few colleagues, when he asked me to meet him outside. He wanted to show me something.

Once we were alone, out of earshot, he grabbed my arm, took out his cell phone, and began: "You're going to be shocked by this... but I have some bad news for you. You can't come back to work."

That was it. Nothing else. Nothing more needed saying. He let go of me, then turned around to leave when he heard a female co-worker say: "Oh my god, what happened?!"

To which he answered: "Nothing that concerns you."

I later found out that one of our biggest clients had been hit by a car. Not only did I not lose my job, but I was given the opportunity to take over and handle their account directly. And they gave me all the money they were due for their services. Apparently, they liked how much work I'd done prior to the accident, and they wanted to keep me on!

Comment: +1 - That is one of my favorite scenes in TV history (although I haven't seen this series). I actually did something very similar with an office manager I'm friends with. We were hanging out at a bar when she mentioned that her boss was coming to visit and said "You know, his car just broke down...". I gave her the same stare you see in the picture then said "Oh my god! What happened?!" She responded with "nothing, it's nothing that concerns me."

Comment: This answer also deserves an upvote for "Oh my god! What happened?" - possibly the greatest line ever spoken on television.

Answer: You might be able to get away with using the line from [The Shawshank Redemption](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113842/), when Red (Morgan Freeman) tells Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins), upon hearing that he's getting out of prison, "I hope you're not planning on sticking around here."

Comment: Except they never say it directly to each other. It's a flashback.

Answer: \begin{blockquote}
\em{Sorry? What did I do wrong?}
\end{blockquote}

— from the movie \strong{\em{[House of 1000 Corpses](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0352924)}}, spoken by Otis Driftwood (Bill Moseley).

Answer: If you like a bit of Monty Python, there's always:

"Don't mention the war!!"

Comment: I like this one the best!

Answer: I don't have a line with me, but here are some good quotes:
\begin{itemize}
\item "I guess it's too late for 'hello.'" - Highlander (1986) [IMDB](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094273/)
\item "That's all very well, but suppose you're wrong?" - Highlander II: The Quickening (1991) [IMDB](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105584/)
\end{itemize}

I'm sure there are more, but those two are what comes to mind most right now. I hope this helps!

Comment: That second quote from Highlander II is actually really good - I may have to steal it :)

Answer: "What a dump!" -- [The Sting](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0068382/)
\em{Spoken by} Henry Gondorff (Paul Newman) \em{to} Johnny Hooker (Robert Redford).

\begin{blockquote}

What a dump!
\end{blockquote}

"That's not my problem." -- [Goodfellas](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103956/)\em{Spoken by} Henry Hill (Ray Liotta) \em{to} Jimmy Conway (Robert De Niro).

\begin{blockquote}

Henry: Hey, that's not my problem. I told you I don't want it! Jimmy: Fuck you, man! You can't say shit like that to your fuckin' associate! Henry: He ain't a fuckin' associate no more! A while back he came in here with some friends of his, and they tried to hit me. Jimmy: Yeah?
\end{blockquote}

[Goodfellas](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103956/) is one of the greatest films ever made. It's based on a book by Nicholas Pileggi entitled \em{[Wiseguy: Life in a Mafia Family](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wiseguy_(book))}. The film won an Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay and was nominated in five other categories, including the prestigious "Best Picture" award.

\begin{blockquote}

Henry Hill: \em{It's my funeral!} - Henry Hill (Ray Liotta) to Jimmy Conway (Robert De Niro) after an argument between them which resulted in Henry getting his own mob killed, and in the end, himself.
\end{blockquote}

Comment: Is "Henry Hill" actually saying those words? I can't find a transcript anywhere.

Comment: @T.E.D. - Good point; I've added a link to IMDB where you can hear the line spoken by Ray Liotta. Hope that helps!

Answer: \begin{blockquote}

\em{\strong{"I don't want to go."}}

\em{- The Wizard of Oz} (1939)
\end{blockquote}

Comment: Could you please include a source for this one? It would be nice to have multiple sources on this question.

Answer: The title is from the film "The Godfather" - when Sonny Corleone dies, Michael asks:
"He's dead?!".

It was also used in the series "Dexter", which followed a serial killer who was trying to live an ordinary life. He often said it when he wanted to be left alone or get away from someone. This is the quote that was used most often:
"I'm not dead yet".

Answer: \begin{blockquote}

"Don't you dare go anywhere near my mother." (Ferris Bueller, 1986)
\end{blockquote}

[Here](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092538/) is the full quote:

\begin{blockquote}

\strong{Ed Rooney:} Don't you dare go anywhere near my mother!

\strong{Ferris Bueller:} I ain't going nowhere near your mother. (He walks off.)
\end{blockquote}

Comment: That is not what he said.

Answer: It's

\begin{blockquote}

"I'm not dead yet!" from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, when King Arthur is on his knees about to be slain by the Black Knight (the scene can be found [here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XW-60_aqJl4).)
\end{blockquote}

Comment: I thought it was too obvious, but then again, maybe that's why it made the list...

Answer: It is actually

\begin{blockquote}

"This guy's gotta be dead."
\end{blockquote}

said by [Gordon Freeman](http://www.half-life.net/wiki/images/5/57/Gordon_Freeman.png) in the computer game, \em{[Half Life](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Half-Life)}. This quote is taken from the first level of Half Life - the [Elevator Scene](http://www.half-life.net/wiki/images/e/ee/HL_ElevatorScene.png).

Comment: Wow, I didn't even think to check for gaming quotes... Good one!

Answer: \begin{blockquote}

“This guy’s gotta be dead,” he added. — from the movie “Cool Hand Luke”
\end{blockquote}

Comment: "Gotta"? I've never heard anyone say it that way.

Comment: That is how I and many other people from Alabama said it growing up in my area.

Answer: \begin{blockquote}

"Don't get cocky kid!"
\end{blockquote}

Said by [Mike Tyson](http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/14/sports/boxing-mike-tysons-fight-with-danny-jacobs-ends-in-a-no-decision.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0) to [Danny Jacobs](http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/14/sports/boxing-mike-tysons-fight-with-danny-jacobs-ends-in-a-no-decision.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0) in 2013:

\begin{blockquote}

"Don't get cocky kid," Tyson said to Jacobs, who was sitting on a table after the fight. "That was a hard one to take."
\end{blockquote}

Comment: +1 for this and the other answer. It is also used by gamers: "Don't get too cocky now that you have gotten the drop on me!"

Answer: “I’ve made more money than anyone in boxing,” said Tyson during a [2009 interview](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQlE7U6Xx8Y&feature=related) with Matt Lauer on the Today Show.

\begin{blockquote}

“People ask me if cybernetics is like cocaine, and I tell them it’s more like a wife,” said Tyson during an [2011 interview](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQlE7U6